Marriage is a Hard Commitment

I hope you remembered to check the reading chart yesterday. If not, that’s ok. Yesterday’s reading was:

ALL – Psalm 22:19-31
ALL – Proverbs 5:15-21
OT – Exodus 4:1-5:21
NT – Matthew 18:1-20

It was a wonderful reading. But if you weren’t able to read it, don’t feel obliged to “catch up.” Bible reading shouldn’t be a burden, but a joy! So, unless catching up IS your joy, feel free just to read along with me today:

ALL – Psalm 23:1-6
ALL – Proverbs 5:22-23
OT – Exodus 5:22-7:25
NT – Matthew 18:21-19:12

I was torn today, because this section of Matthew includes the parable of the unmerciful servant—one of my favorite parables teaching one of my favorite lessons. On the other hand, this section of Matthew’s gospel also deals with marriage and divorce, and I’m quickly finding out the reality of how deeply men and women in our church need to hear Jesus’ message here.

Before I start, let me say that I know that many marriages that end in divorce do so not because both partners wanted a divorce, but because one partner wanted a divorce. There may be blame to share (oftentimes) in terms of the reality that marriage among Christians involves two sinners saved by grace coming together under Christ, each one working to obey Him and yet sometimes failing. Neither spouse is exempt from the charge, “You sinned against me and hurt me.” Not entirely. But the responsibility for divorce often lies in the lap of just one spouse—the one who chooses to stop forgiving the other spouse’s sin and “can’t put up with it anymore!” And to see that forgiveness is a responsibility, please be sure to read the parable of the unmerciful servant in today’s reading.

With that said, let’s turn to the question of marriage. In response to the Pharisees’ question about whether Jesus permitted divorce, He said:

Don’t you read the Scriptures? In them it is written that at the beginning God created man and woman and that a man should leave his father and mother, and be forever united to his wife. The two shall become one—no longer two, but one! And no man may divorce what God has joined together. – Matthew 19:4-6, The Living Bible

Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Period. Did your spouse hurt you? Every couple since Adam and Eve has sinned against each other. Believe it or not, no matter how badly you’ve been hurt, you share a common experience with millions of other people throughout the course of history. But Jesus says that “no man may divorce what God has joined together.”

The Pharisees, of course, thought they had some justification for divorce in the law of Moses (which God had given—it wasn’t just Moses’ thoughts, as Jesus Himself would agree). Moses permitted divorce. But Jesus responds:

Moses did that in recognition of your hard and evil hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. – Matthew 19:8, The Living Bible

So even in the law of Moses, divorce is not a good thing. It’s a recognition of rebellious, sinful hearts. Jesus went on to say:

And I tell you this, that anyone who divorces his wife, except for fornication, and marries another, commits adultery. – Matthew 19:9, The Living Bible

So not only is divorce utterly wrong, but divorce and remarriage to another is wrong. Jesus calls it adultery! Adultery! Legalized adultery, made “ok” by a certificate, but utterly wrong in God’s eyes. The only instance in which remarriage following divorce is not considered adultery is when divorce follows a spouse’s adultery.

Even Jesus’ disciples couldn’t swallow this one:

If that is how it is, it is better not to marry! – Matthew 19:10, The Living Bible

I hope those of you who are married are listening, but at this point I hope even more that those who are NOT married are listening—not to me, but to Jesus’ disciples. When they heard Jesus’ response to the Pharisees, it scared them. It made them reconsider the whole question of whether they even wanted to be married or not. Under the laws and customs of the day (like in our own day), marriage was a “safe” risk. If it “didn’t work out,” you could just get a divorce. So sure, why not marry? Right?

But according to what Jesus taught, marriage is NOT a “safe” risk. It is a dangerous, lifelong commitment. It is a pledge to stay faithful to a spouse no matter how much it hurts—and when you hear “no matter how much it hurts,” that means NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOUR SPOUSE HURTS YOU. Don’t get me wrong. It is not a license for spousal abuse, a license to hurt one another as much as we feel like because no one’s allowed to get a divorce anyway. But the fact of the matter is, marriage is a commitment. It is often a tough commitment. And Jesus’ command concerning marriage is God’s intention from the beginning: “No man may divorce what God has joined together.”

I’ll close by saying again that not everyone who has experienced divorce has disobeyed God, because many who have been divorced were divorced against their will as they worked to stay faithful to their spouses in obedience to Jesus. Not everyone who is divorced is guilty of the sin of divorce.

But marriage is a hard, lifelong commitment. Do not enter into it lightly or thinking that divorce is a ticket to freedom whenever you need out. Divorce is not a ticket to freedom, but to slavery to sin. Avoid it like the plague.

Responses?

To review the Bible reading plan options, please visit http://tinyurl.com/yj2o7jz.