You're Friends with Him?

Today's reading: 

•  Proverbs 22:24-25 -- Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.

Thoughts:
One of the quickest and easiest ways to drive friends and valuable relationships away is by having a short fuse.

If you have a hot temper, let me shoot straight with you for a moment: Even if you have never blown up on me, I may be staying friendly without getting too close simply because I assume that, one day, you will blow up on me. I've seen it happen to others too many times.

But this proverb gives an even more profound reason to avoid close friendships with hotheads. "You may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared."

When we're in friendships with people, we typically respond in one of three ways to significant character flaws:

• We get fed up and end the relationship
• We commit to holding true to our character and confront one another's shortcomings as needed
• We overlook the flaws and eventually start to justify and even defend them 

Whoever wrote this proverb was aiming to be realistic. Confronting the shortcomings of someone with a hot temper without getting ticked off is extremely challenging, and most likely leads to a lot of stress, edginess, and a hot temper. Overlooking the flaws of someone with a hot temper to the point of defending their anger typically means "getting on their side" -- which typically means joining them in their anger and developing a temper of your own.

So rather than getting deeply into a relationship with a hothead and then getting fed up, why not avoid the relationship enough to avoid "learning the ways" of the hothead?

Don't be drawn into a relationship with a hothead simply because you see that he or she seems lonely. Be friendly, but be leery of entering a deep relationship. Loneliness is the consequence for lashing out at those who love you, and it's a consequence that shouldn't be withdrawn out of pity. Instead, pray for these people, speak kindly, gently let them know when you think they have hurt people with their anger, and wait to see genuine repentance (change) before risking a relationship that might make you just as angry and lonely as they are.

 

Father's Day at Last!

Today I am grateful. Today my kids are with me, and I get to enjoy them on Father's Day.

It should be automatic, right?

Divorce changes everything.

When my ex chose to leave, it threw my life and, more importantly, my kids' lives into chaos. Until the separation agreement was signed, I didn't know whether I would even be able to see HALF of my kids' lives. And then I had to wait until the divorce was finalized to see whether my ex would try to get more custody time or not. Since 9/11 (2012, but yes, I have another tragedy on that date) when my ex moved out for good, the kids have moved 4 times -- once with me, when I bought our home with my amazing wife Amanda, and three times with my ex. And twice already, they have watched new men move "permanently" into their lives with my ex and then leave.

My poor daughter, at one point, struggled with guilt because she was enjoying one of these men and told me, "I sometimes think I like him more than you," with tears in her eyes. I calmly reassured her that I understood, because this man didn't carry the responsibility for helping her to develop her character and could simply be fun, while I needed to both have fun and help her to grow; I was her dad. And then I went home after dropping her off and tried hard not to destroy my possessions. I was angry that I should ever have to hear something like that. I was outraged that my daughter should ever have to struggle with something like that.

And last year, my ex took the kids with the other man to Disney. On Father's Day.

I missed them.

And for what? He's already out of their lives, too.

So today I am thankful. The kids are here with me. I got to hear my son Michael be the first to come downstairs, give me a hug, and say, "Happy Father's Day, Dad!... Your chin is prickly" (I kissed him on the cheek).

And then he challenged me to a game of Donkey Kong. And it's Father's Day. So guess what? It's "on like Donkey Kong!"

I am grateful to be a father. Emma, Michael and Tristan are amazing, and my wife Amanda invests so much in caring for them that it has stabilized our home and given me a fresh chance again to do more than merely work to meet their needs. I get to enjoy them!

Happy Father's Day, everyone!

Better than Karma

Today's reading: 

• Proverbs 20:22 -- Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you.

Thoughts:

At work the other day, several of us were talking about how one of our friends had been treated unfairly. And one of us said, "It'll come back to them. Karma's a real thing."

It's amazing how often people claim that.

Karma isn't just the idea that people who do bad things usually end up with bad things happening to them. Karma is an "invisible power that teaches you". It has to do with the idea that you always get what you deserve: "In this world nothing happens to a person that he does not for some reason or other deserve."

We like that idea when someone has hurt us, right? But what about when we have hurt someone else? Then it's scary. And what does this concept do to our perception of others? It tells us that, if they're in a messy situation, it's ALWAYS their own fault. At some point in the past, maybe not even in this life, they did something to deserve a world of hurt. And yes, we could do something kind for them because we want karma to feed kindness back to us. But we wouldn't do something kind for them because we believe they deserve to be treated kindly. Clearly, considering what is happening to them, they don't deserve good treatment.

What we really yearn for is justice. That's why we like karma. We like the idea that wrongs will be made right. And yet we also crave mercy for ourselves, even when we know we have done wrong.

Jesus is better than karma because Jesus offers both (and because he's real, historical, personal, etc, but I'm trying to focus here, so I'll avoid getting carried away)!

Through Jesus Christ, every single sin that has ever been committed -- every bad intention, every cutting word, every act of violence or subterfuge -- faces justice. So rather than seeking vengeance for ourselves, we can wait. Justice is coming. Hell is real.

But through Jesus, there is also mercy for everyone. Every. Single. Person. We won't all receive it, but we are all offered it. How is this possible, when Jesus is also the righteous judge?

Every sinner who escapes the ultimate justice does so for one reason, and one reason only. Jesus paid for their sins on the cross, and they accepted his offer of mercy and forgiveness. They were given a chance at life even though they didn't deserve it.

We are all "they". None of us deserves a chance at life anymore. We have all sinned. And justice will prevail over all of our sins, because all of our sins are dealt with by Jesus; he either paid our debts already when he died, or the living Jesus Christ will make us pay our own debts eternally once he has returned for the Day of Judgment.

So Jesus is better than karma. Through Jesus, not only do we know that sins will be judged, but we also have a hope for mercy.

Next time someone wrongs you, remember that. Thank Jesus that he WILL provide justice. But remember also to pray for his mercy, not only for yourself, but for those who wronged you. Without the mercy of Jesus, where would you be?

Rejecting God

Today's reading: 

• Proverbs 19:3 -- A person's own folly leads to their ruin, yet their heart rages against the LORD.

Thoughts:
I remember a conversation I had with someone who had recently turned away from Jesus. He had been fairly close and we could talk honestly. We were talking about what kinds of choices he might end up making now that he wouldn't be submitting his life to God's authority and morals. I was trying to ask him what compass he would use to guide his choices about some of the more destructive things we can do to ourselves and others.

This man said, "I would never do those things. I know what's right and wrong without God, and I know what's good for me. The fact that I'm an atheist now doesn't mean I'm going to turn into a criminal."

And I agreed. His being an atheist and rejecting God didn't automatically mean he would make harmful choices. It merely made those choices more likely.

This man is still rejecting Jesus. Unfortunately, he is also harming others and himself at an alarming rate. Most of the harm he has created is legal, and a bit of it is illegal (so ironically, he is a small-time criminal even though he hasn't been caught so far). His life held a lot of promise. His life still holds promise, but he's making almost no use of himself so far. His life exemplifies this proverb, but in reverse order. He rejects Jesus, and now his folly is ruining him.

Friends, being a believer doesn't automatically mean that you make great choices, and rejecting faith in Jesus doesn't automatically mean that all your choices will be terrible. But either way, when your choices don't line up with God's recommendations and things fall apart, remember who made the choices that led to the pain.

And please consider going to Jesus and admitting your sin. Jesus forgives. His grace is amazing!