Discipline or Destruction: You Choose for Your Kids

2 Samuel 13; Psalm 119:81-96; Proverbs 16:6-7

 

Kids are going to sin. And all sin is destructive. But sin that is disciplined can and should be less destructive than sin that is not disciplined.

 

In 2 Samuel 13, King David’s kids begin to go crazy with sin. First Amnon rapes his half-sister. Bad… obviously. Then he drives her away. Again, bad.

 

But what happens? What does David do about it? When King David heard all this, he was furious. – 2 Samuel 13:21.

 

Wait! That’s it? He was angry? He was furious? Of course David was furious! His son had just raped his daughter! But what did he do?

 

Deuteronomy 22:28-29 tells us what David should have required of his son Amnon, given the situation – minimally: If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay the girl's father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the girl, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.

 

Of course, this is not just any man meeting any woman. This is a brother raping his sister. His sister’s innocence in the matter is what makes it so that these laws probably don’t apply:

 

If a man marries his sister, the daughter of either his father or his mother, and they have sexual relations, it is a disgrace. They must be cut off before the eyes of their people. He has dishonored his sister and will be held responsible. – Leviticus 20:17. When Tamar realized she was about to be raped, though, this is what she begged her brother to do instead. She would rather to have been disgraced and cut off before the eyes of the people as a married woman than to have been raped. Amnon would have none of this, though. No commitment. Just personal pleasure. So he raped her.

 

Do not have sexual relations with the sister of either your mother or your father, for that would dishonor a close relative; both of you would be held responsible. – Leviticus 20:19. It is not clear what being “held responsible” means here, but again, this law could not be applied to this situation because Amnon and Tamar could not both be held responsible. Only Amnon was responsible.

 

And so at the very least, Amnon should have been required to care for Tamar for the rest of his life, and hers. This was the law within God’s covenant community.

 

But David, their father, got furious. David, the king, got angry. But did nothing. He did not enforce a single one of these laws, not even the most lenient of them, on his son Amnon. Tragedy had struck. But if David had disciplined Amnon, he may have prevented further tragedy.

 

How so? Tamar’s full-brother, Absalom, knew what had happened to his sister. For two years he cared for her and watched miserably as the beautiful sister he had previously known now lived the despairing life of a “desolate woman” (2 Samuel 13:20). For two years, Absalom simply stewed, hating Amnon for what he had done to Tamar (2 Samuel 13:22). For two years, his anger mounted as David neglected to discipline Amnon for his sin.

 

So what could have been avoided? David could have avoided his son Amnon’s death. He could have avoided watching Absalom turn into a murderer who would go on to rebel against David himself.

 

All it would have cost David was the pain of disciplining his son Amnon.

 

Father, thank You that You love me too much to allow my life to be destroyed by sin. You are willing to intervene with more than anger, but with rebuke and correction (2 Tim. 3:16). Help me to be a father like You. A Father who not only hates sin, but who loves the sinner enough to intervene. To pay the cost of discipline. To suffer sin’s results with Your children, rather than withdrawing from us. Help me to be a father like that.