My Spouse: My Private Garden

Song of Songs 1-4; Psalm 50; Proverbs 22:22-23

 

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to get away? To escape coarse, musty, noisy, everyday life? To go somewhere that was simply clean, pure, vividly beautiful, and filled with all your favorite things—foods, entertainment, sights, sounds—everything you love?

 

Have you ever thought of your spouse that way? Because that’s how Solomon describes his wife in Song of Songs 4:12-15:

 

You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits, with henna and nard, nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with every kind of incense tree, with myrrh and aloes and all the finest spices. You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon.

 

Solomon described his bride as a private garden filled with delightful fruits, fresh water, beautiful smells (“every kind of incense tree”), and wonderful tastes (“finest spices”). She was his oasis of rest, his haven of happiness and his escape from the troubles of daily living.

 

Just a quick caveat: I’m not saying a spouse can give us all the rest that Christ Himself offers. Spouses don’t replace Christ. But that doesn’t mean that we should underestimate the gift God has given us in our spouses—or the gift Christ has made us to be for our spouses!

 

Do you think of your spouse this way? You should! You should find joy and rest and pleasure in your time with your spouse. That’s what your spouse was designed for. If you’re married, that’s what you were designed for—to be a private garden for your spouse! If you can’t see your spouse this way, why not? Perhaps you’ve had a lot of arguments. Perhaps you don’t feel like your spouse helps out enough. But does he/she really have nothing to offer you? Or are you just overlooking all the good and focusing on the bad?

 

Choose to value your spouse like a private garden of joy—even if you get to enjoy that garden infrequently for whatever reason. If time, fatigue, children, work, friends—even animosity or fear—get in the way of enjoying one another’s company (and I’m not just talking about sexual company here), don’t get upset with your spouse. Instead, be more deliberate about working together to schedule times to enjoy each other’s company. Find specific times you can spend together. Bring up topics you both enjoy. Find environments that bring out the best in both of you. Offer each other compliments. Thank each other for the little things. And even if these things happen less frequently than you would like, always, always, always enjoy them! They’re whiffs of your private garden’s beautiful scents.

 

Solomon’s wife realized that she was his private garden, and her desire was that her husband be aware of her delights both when they were somewhat apart and when they had time to be together:

 

Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. – Song of Songs 4:16

 

May we do all we can to help our spouses know that they can find rest and delight in us when there’s no other escape from day to day life. May we delight our spouses and find delight in our spouses, thanking Jesus Christ for His gift!

 

Father, thank You for Christy. Thank You for her service today. Although I left early and came back later than usual, she spent the day so helpfully—so beautifully. Thank You that she endured through the mess our children made, that she patiently led them in the cleanup process, that she made their meals, cleaned the house, and took care of our baby. Thank You that she does all this while also writing books and designing websites. Thank You that she is creative, and that she finds ways to interact with others through her creativity. Thank You that she walks at my side in ministry, that she cares about our friends at church and also about our neighbors. Thank You that she’s such a gracious host to them. Thank You for the extra special touches she adds to all this—the way she does some of my tasks when I’ve been too overwhelmed to do them, for instance. Thank You for a beautiful, wonderful spouse. May I always enjoy and appreciate her amazing qualities. And may Your people all be blessed with the ability to see their spouses this way. Thank You for Your good provisions.