Today I am grateful. Today my kids are with me, and I get to enjoy them on Father's Day.
It should be automatic, right?
Divorce changes everything.
When my ex chose to leave, it threw my life and, more importantly, my kids' lives into chaos. Until the separation agreement was signed, I didn't know whether I would even be able to see HALF of my kids' lives. And then I had to wait until the divorce was finalized to see whether my ex would try to get more custody time or not. Since 9/11 (2012, but yes, I have another tragedy on that date) when my ex moved out for good, the kids have moved 4 times -- once with me, when I bought our home with my amazing wife Amanda, and three times with my ex. And twice already, they have watched new men move "permanently" into their lives with my ex and then leave.
My poor daughter, at one point, struggled with guilt because she was enjoying one of these men and told me, "I sometimes think I like him more than you," with tears in her eyes. I calmly reassured her that I understood, because this man didn't carry the responsibility for helping her to develop her character and could simply be fun, while I needed to both have fun and help her to grow; I was her dad. And then I went home after dropping her off and tried hard not to destroy my possessions. I was angry that I should ever have to hear something like that. I was outraged that my daughter should ever have to struggle with something like that.
And last year, my ex took the kids with the other man to Disney. On Father's Day.
I missed them.
And for what? He's already out of their lives, too.
So today I am thankful. The kids are here with me. I got to hear my son Michael be the first to come downstairs, give me a hug, and say, "Happy Father's Day, Dad!... Your chin is prickly" (I kissed him on the cheek).
And then he challenged me to a game of Donkey Kong. And it's Father's Day. So guess what? It's "on like Donkey Kong!"
I am grateful to be a father. Emma, Michael and Tristan are amazing, and my wife Amanda invests so much in caring for them that it has stabilized our home and given me a fresh chance again to do more than merely work to meet their needs. I get to enjoy them!
Happy Father's Day, everyone!
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Better than Karma
Today's reading:
At work the other day, several of us were talking about how one of our friends had been treated unfairly. And one of us said, "It'll come back to them. Karma's a real thing."
It's amazing how often people claim that.
Karma isn't just the idea that people who do bad things usually end up with bad things happening to them. Karma is an "invisible power that teaches you". It has to do with the idea that you always get what you deserve: "In this world nothing happens to a person that he does not for some reason or other deserve."
We like that idea when someone has hurt us, right? But what about when we have hurt someone else? Then it's scary. And what does this concept do to our perception of others? It tells us that, if they're in a messy situation, it's ALWAYS their own fault. At some point in the past, maybe not even in this life, they did something to deserve a world of hurt. And yes, we could do something kind for them because we want karma to feed kindness back to us. But we wouldn't do something kind for them because we believe they deserve to be treated kindly. Clearly, considering what is happening to them, they don't deserve good treatment.
What we really yearn for is justice. That's why we like karma. We like the idea that wrongs will be made right. And yet we also crave mercy for ourselves, even when we know we have done wrong.
Jesus is better than karma because Jesus offers both (and because he's real, historical, personal, etc, but I'm trying to focus here, so I'll avoid getting carried away)!
Through Jesus Christ, every single sin that has ever been committed -- every bad intention, every cutting word, every act of violence or subterfuge -- faces justice. So rather than seeking vengeance for ourselves, we can wait. Justice is coming. Hell is real.
But through Jesus, there is also mercy for everyone. Every. Single. Person. We won't all receive it, but we are all offered it. How is this possible, when Jesus is also the righteous judge?
Every sinner who escapes the ultimate justice does so for one reason, and one reason only. Jesus paid for their sins on the cross, and they accepted his offer of mercy and forgiveness. They were given a chance at life even though they didn't deserve it.
We are all "they". None of us deserves a chance at life anymore. We have all sinned. And justice will prevail over all of our sins, because all of our sins are dealt with by Jesus; he either paid our debts already when he died, or the living Jesus Christ will make us pay our own debts eternally once he has returned for the Day of Judgment.
So Jesus is better than karma. Through Jesus, not only do we know that sins will be judged, but we also have a hope for mercy.
Next time someone wrongs you, remember that. Thank Jesus that he WILL provide justice. But remember also to pray for his mercy, not only for yourself, but for those who wronged you. Without the mercy of Jesus, where would you be?
- Proverbs 20:22 -- Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you.
Thoughts:
At work the other day, several of us were talking about how one of our friends had been treated unfairly. And one of us said, "It'll come back to them. Karma's a real thing."
It's amazing how often people claim that.
Karma isn't just the idea that people who do bad things usually end up with bad things happening to them. Karma is an "invisible power that teaches you". It has to do with the idea that you always get what you deserve: "In this world nothing happens to a person that he does not for some reason or other deserve."
We like that idea when someone has hurt us, right? But what about when we have hurt someone else? Then it's scary. And what does this concept do to our perception of others? It tells us that, if they're in a messy situation, it's ALWAYS their own fault. At some point in the past, maybe not even in this life, they did something to deserve a world of hurt. And yes, we could do something kind for them because we want karma to feed kindness back to us. But we wouldn't do something kind for them because we believe they deserve to be treated kindly. Clearly, considering what is happening to them, they don't deserve good treatment.
What we really yearn for is justice. That's why we like karma. We like the idea that wrongs will be made right. And yet we also crave mercy for ourselves, even when we know we have done wrong.
Jesus is better than karma because Jesus offers both (and because he's real, historical, personal, etc, but I'm trying to focus here, so I'll avoid getting carried away)!
Through Jesus Christ, every single sin that has ever been committed -- every bad intention, every cutting word, every act of violence or subterfuge -- faces justice. So rather than seeking vengeance for ourselves, we can wait. Justice is coming. Hell is real.
But through Jesus, there is also mercy for everyone. Every. Single. Person. We won't all receive it, but we are all offered it. How is this possible, when Jesus is also the righteous judge?
Every sinner who escapes the ultimate justice does so for one reason, and one reason only. Jesus paid for their sins on the cross, and they accepted his offer of mercy and forgiveness. They were given a chance at life even though they didn't deserve it.
We are all "they". None of us deserves a chance at life anymore. We have all sinned. And justice will prevail over all of our sins, because all of our sins are dealt with by Jesus; he either paid our debts already when he died, or the living Jesus Christ will make us pay our own debts eternally once he has returned for the Day of Judgment.
So Jesus is better than karma. Through Jesus, not only do we know that sins will be judged, but we also have a hope for mercy.
Next time someone wrongs you, remember that. Thank Jesus that he WILL provide justice. But remember also to pray for his mercy, not only for yourself, but for those who wronged you. Without the mercy of Jesus, where would you be?
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Rejecting God
Today's reading:
I remember a conversation I had with someone who had recently turned away from Jesus. He had been fairly close and we could talk honestly. We were talking about what kinds of choices he might end up making now that he wouldn't be submitting his life to God's authority and morals. I was trying to ask him what compass he would use to guide his choices about some of the more destructive things we can do to ourselves and others.
This man said, "I would never do those things. I know what's right and wrong without God, and I know what's good for me. The fact that I'm an atheist now doesn't mean I'm going to turn into a criminal."
And I agreed. His being an atheist and rejecting God didn't automatically mean he would make harmful choices. It merely made those choices more likely.
This man is still rejecting Jesus. Unfortunately, he is also harming others and himself at an alarming rate. Most of the harm he has created is legal, and a bit of it is illegal (so ironically, he is a small-time criminal even though he hasn't been caught so far). His life held a lot of promise. His life still holds promise, but he's making almost no use of himself so far. His life exemplifies this proverb, but in reverse order. He rejects Jesus, and now his folly is ruining him.
Friends, being a believer doesn't automatically mean that you make great choices, and rejecting faith in Jesus doesn't automatically mean that all your choices will be terrible. But either way, when your choices don't line up with God's recommendations and things fall apart, remember who made the choices that led to the pain.
And please consider going to Jesus and admitting your sin. Jesus forgives. His grace is amazing!
- Proverbs 19:3 -- A person's own folly leads to their ruin, yet their heart rages against the LORD.
I remember a conversation I had with someone who had recently turned away from Jesus. He had been fairly close and we could talk honestly. We were talking about what kinds of choices he might end up making now that he wouldn't be submitting his life to God's authority and morals. I was trying to ask him what compass he would use to guide his choices about some of the more destructive things we can do to ourselves and others.
This man said, "I would never do those things. I know what's right and wrong without God, and I know what's good for me. The fact that I'm an atheist now doesn't mean I'm going to turn into a criminal."
And I agreed. His being an atheist and rejecting God didn't automatically mean he would make harmful choices. It merely made those choices more likely.
This man is still rejecting Jesus. Unfortunately, he is also harming others and himself at an alarming rate. Most of the harm he has created is legal, and a bit of it is illegal (so ironically, he is a small-time criminal even though he hasn't been caught so far). His life held a lot of promise. His life still holds promise, but he's making almost no use of himself so far. His life exemplifies this proverb, but in reverse order. He rejects Jesus, and now his folly is ruining him.
Friends, being a believer doesn't automatically mean that you make great choices, and rejecting faith in Jesus doesn't automatically mean that all your choices will be terrible. But either way, when your choices don't line up with God's recommendations and things fall apart, remember who made the choices that led to the pain.
And please consider going to Jesus and admitting your sin. Jesus forgives. His grace is amazing!
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
How to Destroy Your Life
Today's reading:
This verse is not only talking about our jobs and careers. It's talking about doing what needs to be done.
Whether at work or at home or in volunteer settings, what is important about our tasks is not how much time we put into them. What is important about our tasks is that we finish them.
If we don't wash the dishes, we don't have a clean place for our food.
If we don't change the sheets, we don't have a clean place to sleep.
If we don't wash our clothes, we don't have anything clean to wear and we stink like crazy.
If we don't care for our pets (or worse, our children), they get sick and sometimes worse.
If we don't maintain our homes, they rot and repairs cost outrageous amounts of moolah.
If we don't communicate with our spouses, trust erodes.
And at work, if we find ourselves "getting behind," there are only a few possible reasons: either we have not spent our work hours well, or we have accepted responsibility for tasks that we can't complete during our normal work hours and we refuse to take the extra time required to complete them, among others. Both the ones I'm pointing at are matters of slacking. And both are destructive.
Friends, let's do what needs to be done. Don't worry about people accusing you of being a workaholic just because of the amount of time you might have to invest. Keep your priorities straight, keep your eyes on Jesus and your heart on your family, and do what needs to be done -- at home and at work. Don't destroy your life by slacking.
- Proverbs 18:9 -- One who is slack in his work is brother to one who destroys.
This verse is not only talking about our jobs and careers. It's talking about doing what needs to be done.
Whether at work or at home or in volunteer settings, what is important about our tasks is not how much time we put into them. What is important about our tasks is that we finish them.
If we don't wash the dishes, we don't have a clean place for our food.
If we don't change the sheets, we don't have a clean place to sleep.
If we don't wash our clothes, we don't have anything clean to wear and we stink like crazy.
If we don't care for our pets (or worse, our children), they get sick and sometimes worse.
If we don't maintain our homes, they rot and repairs cost outrageous amounts of moolah.
If we don't communicate with our spouses, trust erodes.
And at work, if we find ourselves "getting behind," there are only a few possible reasons: either we have not spent our work hours well, or we have accepted responsibility for tasks that we can't complete during our normal work hours and we refuse to take the extra time required to complete them, among others. Both the ones I'm pointing at are matters of slacking. And both are destructive.
Friends, let's do what needs to be done. Don't worry about people accusing you of being a workaholic just because of the amount of time you might have to invest. Keep your priorities straight, keep your eyes on Jesus and your heart on your family, and do what needs to be done -- at home and at work. Don't destroy your life by slacking.
Friday, May 20, 2016
I've Got A Bad Feeling About This!
Today's reading:
Does this proverb strike you as paranoid? Or perhaps as overly judgmental? Isn't it overly simplistic to make a blanket statement like this? Is it really fair to make assumptions about people based on a quick twitch of their facial muscles? Does this proverb encourage us to read too much into people's morality with too little evidence?
First, let's remember that proverbs encapsulate general truths and principles. There are exceptions. But proverbs proclaim the general rule.
In this case, the general rule is simple, but too often ignored in today's politically correct environment. If something doesn't seem right, it probably isn't.
This verse mentions winks and pursed lips. But there are plenty of other clues we use to decide whether to trust someone. Can they look us in the eye, or do they keep looking away? Do they keep silent and think carefully about how to answer (or what to reveal to you) when asked what should have been a relatively easy question?
And while we shouldn't pre-judge a person's character based on their outward appearance, in terms of deciding whether they could possibly be a reliable person or not, we should pre-judge in terms of whether they choose clothing or speech patterns or other adornments that indicate whether or not they are in alignment with our own ways of seeing the world. I'm automatically more leery of trusting someone with tons of bling who walks with a swagger than I am of trusting someone who keeps his or her appearance nice, but subdued. The first person is trying to prove something, it feels like, and I'm not sure I want to be involved in that.
So if you have a bad feeling, don't jump in. Be cautious. Discretion is a wise course of action. And it's a good thing -- even if it's not always politically correct.
- Proverbs 16:30 -- Whoever winks with their eye is plotting perversity; whoever purses their lips is bent on evil (NIV).
Does this proverb strike you as paranoid? Or perhaps as overly judgmental? Isn't it overly simplistic to make a blanket statement like this? Is it really fair to make assumptions about people based on a quick twitch of their facial muscles? Does this proverb encourage us to read too much into people's morality with too little evidence?
First, let's remember that proverbs encapsulate general truths and principles. There are exceptions. But proverbs proclaim the general rule.
In this case, the general rule is simple, but too often ignored in today's politically correct environment. If something doesn't seem right, it probably isn't.
This verse mentions winks and pursed lips. But there are plenty of other clues we use to decide whether to trust someone. Can they look us in the eye, or do they keep looking away? Do they keep silent and think carefully about how to answer (or what to reveal to you) when asked what should have been a relatively easy question?
And while we shouldn't pre-judge a person's character based on their outward appearance, in terms of deciding whether they could possibly be a reliable person or not, we should pre-judge in terms of whether they choose clothing or speech patterns or other adornments that indicate whether or not they are in alignment with our own ways of seeing the world. I'm automatically more leery of trusting someone with tons of bling who walks with a swagger than I am of trusting someone who keeps his or her appearance nice, but subdued. The first person is trying to prove something, it feels like, and I'm not sure I want to be involved in that.
So if you have a bad feeling, don't jump in. Be cautious. Discretion is a wise course of action. And it's a good thing -- even if it's not always politically correct.
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Destination: Stuck
Today's reading:
You could read this as a verse about how God's directly helps good people. Or you could read this as a verse about the goodness of diligence -- which would be a statement on how God designed life to reward people's good character. I choose the latter.
God's not like Maleficent (from Disney's Sleeping Beauty), magically growing thorns in the way of people because He doesn't like them. The thorns in this verse are the fruit of the sluggard's own character! If thorns weren't a part of the sluggard's life at first, then his lazy approach to life allowed them to grow, making his life even more difficult! So the sluggard makes no progress at all! And it's because of his own character.
On the other hand, upright people's path "is a highway." They're making progress. What's the difference? The difference is diligence. If an upright person has to make progress and there are thorns in the way, he doesn't shirk the work. He grabs a machete or pruning shears or a chainsaw (if he's really aggressive) and gets moving! If there aren't thorns in the way, better yet -- thorns won't be given the opportunity to grow because upright people stay on top of their maintenance, leaving them free to add new projects to their list.
While the sluggard's thorn bushes grow, the diligent clear the land, lay a foundation, and build a house. And a shed. And put up a fence. And start a business. Or aim for and land a promotion.
What are the challenges you keep putting off? Get those thorn bushes cleared and stay diligent! God has designed this life to make diligence much more rewarding! And when we fail? God sent Jesus to pay the penalty for our slothfulness and to change our characters -- Jesus rose and lives to make us new. Ask Him for His righteousness, and specifically for His diligence. He gives good gifts.
- Proverbs 15:19 -- The way of the sluggard is blocked with thorns, but the path of the upright is a highway (NIV).
You could read this as a verse about how God's directly helps good people. Or you could read this as a verse about the goodness of diligence -- which would be a statement on how God designed life to reward people's good character. I choose the latter.
God's not like Maleficent (from Disney's Sleeping Beauty), magically growing thorns in the way of people because He doesn't like them. The thorns in this verse are the fruit of the sluggard's own character! If thorns weren't a part of the sluggard's life at first, then his lazy approach to life allowed them to grow, making his life even more difficult! So the sluggard makes no progress at all! And it's because of his own character.
On the other hand, upright people's path "is a highway." They're making progress. What's the difference? The difference is diligence. If an upright person has to make progress and there are thorns in the way, he doesn't shirk the work. He grabs a machete or pruning shears or a chainsaw (if he's really aggressive) and gets moving! If there aren't thorns in the way, better yet -- thorns won't be given the opportunity to grow because upright people stay on top of their maintenance, leaving them free to add new projects to their list.
While the sluggard's thorn bushes grow, the diligent clear the land, lay a foundation, and build a house. And a shed. And put up a fence. And start a business. Or aim for and land a promotion.
What are the challenges you keep putting off? Get those thorn bushes cleared and stay diligent! God has designed this life to make diligence much more rewarding! And when we fail? God sent Jesus to pay the penalty for our slothfulness and to change our characters -- Jesus rose and lives to make us new. Ask Him for His righteousness, and specifically for His diligence. He gives good gifts.
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Self-Examination
Today's reading:
I did not wake up today when I intended to. Let me amend that. I did not stay up today when I intended to. I set my alarm for a pretty early moment and was awakened about 10 minutes earlier by one of my children who needed some middle-of-the-night assistance. So I helped him, then went back to bed.
Why?
Why didn't I just stay up? I wanted to stay up. I had planned to be up. I had plans to wake up, read the Bible, write this blog. I also had intentions to do some chores, make some business decisions, chart out the family's afternoon a bit, eat before work without being rushed...
And it felt good to have plans. But it didn't feel good to have to wake up to execute them. And so I stayed in bed for an extra half an hour. And some of my plans got put on the back burner.
Was that a set up, Jesus? Because this verse really challenges my choice to stay in bed.
This verse makes it clear that wisdom involves taking time to examine and think about our lives. Wisdom involves considering where we are, where we would like to be, and what it will take to make the journey. Wisdom involves making choices about our ways that will allow us to follow the path we have decided on. Through giving thought to our ways, we achieve the purposes and dreams of our hearts. At least, when we act on those thoughts.
"But the folly of fools is deception." Here was this morning's deception for this fool: It will be better if you get extra time in bed than if you take time to consider your ways this morning.
Lord Jesus, please help me to walk in the convictions you give to me so that I can arrive at the destination you set before me.
- Proverbs 14:8 -- The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception.
I did not wake up today when I intended to. Let me amend that. I did not stay up today when I intended to. I set my alarm for a pretty early moment and was awakened about 10 minutes earlier by one of my children who needed some middle-of-the-night assistance. So I helped him, then went back to bed.
Why?
Why didn't I just stay up? I wanted to stay up. I had planned to be up. I had plans to wake up, read the Bible, write this blog. I also had intentions to do some chores, make some business decisions, chart out the family's afternoon a bit, eat before work without being rushed...
And it felt good to have plans. But it didn't feel good to have to wake up to execute them. And so I stayed in bed for an extra half an hour. And some of my plans got put on the back burner.
Was that a set up, Jesus? Because this verse really challenges my choice to stay in bed.
This verse makes it clear that wisdom involves taking time to examine and think about our lives. Wisdom involves considering where we are, where we would like to be, and what it will take to make the journey. Wisdom involves making choices about our ways that will allow us to follow the path we have decided on. Through giving thought to our ways, we achieve the purposes and dreams of our hearts. At least, when we act on those thoughts.
"But the folly of fools is deception." Here was this morning's deception for this fool: It will be better if you get extra time in bed than if you take time to consider your ways this morning.
Lord Jesus, please help me to walk in the convictions you give to me so that I can arrive at the destination you set before me.
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